Maggots and leeches and wasps and mosquitoes
Cheap suitcases which simply won’t close
Hangovers, haemorrhoids and nettle stings
These are a few of my least favourite things

Fondant fancies, orange cream chocolates
Bowel-moving foods likes prunes, avos and dates.
Broad beans and Brussels sprouts, durians too,
(That Asian fruit which smells a lot like poo!).

Football hooligans, hijackers and stealers
Paedophiles, bailiffs, bouncers and drug dealers
Hackers who send viruses by e-mail
If I had my way they would all be in gaol.

People who wear rain coats and like to spot trains
People whose egos are larger than their brains
Impatient drivers who keep sounding their horns
Society would gain if they all became prawns.

Teacher who get cross when pupils don’t get it.
Boring politicians like Norman Tebbit,
Ken Livingstone with his congestion charge
Suits only those whose wallets are quite large.

That’s already a long list of things that I dislike
But there are many other things in the world, that don’t help me sleep at night.

Coronation Street, Eastenders and Neighbours,
and any show that includes Nigel Havers
Brookside, Emmerdale and Hollyoaks
These are a few of my least favourite soaps.

Green Day, Oasis, Billy Bragg, Nirvana,
Cliff Richard, Take That and Bananarama.
Morrissey, Wet Wet Wet, Technotronic..
Listening to their records makes me feel sick.

Jim Davidson, Chris Evans, Barrymore
(yes, the one who recently broke the law)
Nick Hancock, Bruce Forsyth, Cannon and Ball
They think that they’re funny but they’re not at all.

Tensor calculus I do not find easy
Integration by parts also doesn’t please me
Fourier transforms, gamma functions too
They’re mathematical things that I just cannot do.

Adverts for TSB, Asda and Mars
Toyota, Vauxhall and other such cars
Argos, Esso and Ferrero Rocher
(the one with that guy who says ‘Excellente’)

If room one-o-one existed I’d make use of it
And remove those which make me moan or throw, or even my own throat slit.